Checking off the boxes of life. Is that how we choose to live our lives? Often times we can begin something with great love, enthusiasm and enjoyment and as time goes on the routine and the often mundane aspects of whatever it is begins to remove the luster from the action and we begin the just, “check off the box” and move on to the next thing on our list…where we just “check off the box.” And while we can point out many things in life where we do the “checking off” this is not how God has intended us to live.
As a priest I can fall into this temptation and it can even become a sin as I “check off the box” of my ministry. This is why yearly retreats, days of prayer and renewal and good friends are important because they are the checks and balances agains falling into the routines and habits that begin to suck the joy and blessing out of life. It is when we practice the intentionality of knowing God and one another more deeply we form life-giving bonds that do not permit us to live life “checking off the boxes.”
Pope St. John Paul II when reflecting on his 50th anniversary of priesthood wrote this about these relationships, “I was able to grasp more fully how much the priesthood is linked to pastoral ministry and the apostolate of the laity. A close connection, or, better, a mutual correlation, exists between priestly service and the lay apostolate.” (p 54 from “Gift and Mystery”) We are reminded by St. John Paul II of how the connectedness of our mission within the Body of Christ is a life sustaining gift we are called to nurture and cherish. When I am able to be in a communion of service with those who I am called to serve then the checking off of boxes becomes an impossibility as I am confronted with the face of Jesus each day.
And this is true for each and every member of the Body of Christ, young or old, married, single, consecrated or ordained, male or female…it doesn’t matter because we are all called into the same service…just in different ways.
Retreats, taking time away from the ordinary. Retreats can be very formal…at a retreat house or other setting…or they can be informal such as a week at the beach. What makes it a retreat and not simply another vacation is the intentionality of bringing God into the daily movements of the day. I highly recommend a “retreat” experience in the formal sense but if not then when you head off for a week of “vacation” don’t forget to bring God. Take time daily for spiritual reading, prayer with the family, times to share the blessings received that day, laughing with each other in the joy of God’s love and speaking from the heart about the desires and hopes of the future and entrusting them to God.
Days of Prayer, (or hours, or minutes) unite us with God. These aren’t days of sitting down, kneeling and isolation rather they are days of listening to a voice of love. If you are married, if you have children, if you are very busy with work…all of these are challenges but challenges which can be overcome with the desire to love another greater. Prayer, either alone or with others, helps us to reassess where we are at in our life and our relationship to God and others. We should always know why we are going to pray and for whom we are asking God’s intercession and why we are offering thanksgiving. If a husband takes his wife into prayer: offering the gratitude and blessings of their relationship then the desire and gift of service comes more freely as he is able to see her as the treasure of love given by God and not simply another thing to deal with in the day.
Good friends: People who will call your bluff and hold you accountable for your choices. A while back a friend called me and asked if I was available for golf…I looked at my very busy schedule and said,“no.” He then asked the last time I had picked up my clubs (it had been a long time) and when he heard my answer told me he was booking a tee time and to clear my calendar. The resistance was great…even my days off had become work…then I heard his wife in the background call out…”and you can come to dinner. The kids will love to see you.” I think there may have been a conspiracy brewing but ultimately the calendar was cleared, the game was played the dinner was celebrated and the community was joined.
Our Holy Father Pope Francis leaves us with this beautiful reflection from the closing paragraphs of his Apostolic Exhortation “Amoris Laetitia: The Joy of Love” where he writes, “It is a profound spiritual experience to contemplate our loved ones with the eyes of God and to see Christ in them. This demands a freedom and openness which enable us to appreciate their dignity. We can be fully present to others only by giving fully of ourselves and forgetting all else. Our loved ones merit our complete attention. Jesus is our model in this, for whenever people approached to speak with him, he would meet their gaze, directly and lovingly (Mk 10:21). No one felt overlooked in his presence, since his words and gestures conveyed the question: “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mk10:51). This is what we experience in the daily life of the family. We are constantly reminded that each of those who live with us merits complete attention, since he or she possesses infinite dignity as an object of the Father’s immense love. This gives rise to a tenderness which can “stir in the other the joy of being loved. Tenderness is expressed in a particular way by exercising loving care in treating the limitations of the other, especially when they are evident”” (#323)

God Bless
Fr. Mark