For many today, “love” is little more than a warm feeling or physical attraction. These things have their place. But real love—love that endures and deepens and satisfies the human heart over a lifetime—grows from what we give to others, not what we take for ourselves. The Lord Jesus Christ died on a cross for our salvation. That kind of radical, liberating capacity to abandon our prerogatives and give ourselves to others is the thread that unites all Catholic teaching on marriage and the family. Authentic Catholic teaching on marriage and the family separates true love from all counterfeits.” (#35 Love is our Mission: The Family Fully Alive)
The sacramental life is hard. It places us on the cross of love. It calls for great and heroic sacrifice. This is the context of the above quote from the U.S. Bishop’s catechesis for the family. It doesn’t seem all that appealing and yet, we are drawn to this love.
I was pondering the above thoughts for two reasons. First, (1a) starting this evening I will help to present a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend together with (1b) an article I read about concerning marriage and commitment. Second, was a something I heard and saw as I watched a television show “Married at First Sight.” (Don’t judge me too harshly; one of Pope Benedict’s calls was for priests to understand the world people live in and Pope Francis asks the same. You know…smell like the sheep:)
On the television show one of the women as she talked about her relationship with a friend lamented the oft-heard phrase, “love shouldn’t be this much work.” In other words she loved her husband but the relationship was not all rainbows and buttercups it was a lot of work, it called for sacrifice and asked for change in attitudes and actions. In other words, she believed that love was a warm fuzzy feeling with physical attraction and when this began to fade and the relationship became challenging the only conclusion is…we must not love each other any more therefore the relationship is over.
On the other hand we, as a Church, believe in the work of marriage and a love that goes much deeper than the warm fuzziness and sexual attraction. Love is a gift shared by God that we participate in with the other. We understand that the “work” of marriage is of building bridges across the brokenness of sin and into the joy and truth of blessing in the unity of sacramental grace. In the article (http://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2016/02/4-promises-that-lead-to-happily-ever-after/) one of the four promises is to be committed to the vows of marriage. It is a commitment to the better or worse, the richer or poorer, the sickness and health where we move beyond a moment of happiness and into the everlasting joy of eternal love.
It is in this radical gift of our self to the other where we find true peace and liberating love. It is our response to the promise of “I take you to be” where we find the joy of life. Choosing to give life over and over again in the self-gift of our whole self to the beloved. It is speaking the words of love that Jesus shared with us, “No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends.” (Jn 15:15) In friendship the husband and wife, in sacramental love, show forth the grace and holiness of God’s blessing.
“Friendship calls us to be self-transcendent. It “draws us out of ourselves and challenges us to be attentive not to our own immediate interests and needs but to the interests and needs of another.: Indeed, day after day, friendship in marriage requires us to overcome self-centeredness and move toward other-centeredness.” (from Project Holiness, p. 6) It is the work of marriage.
God Bless
Fr. Mark