The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you–O Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Sam 18:33)

This reading came to us in our daily Mass readings this week and each and every time I hear David cry out in pain and sorrow I hear the cry of God for us, his children. It also reminds me of an experience heard many times in the petitions of Mass and the prayers of the people. When I was first ordained an elderly gentleman, a daily Mass attendee, would have a simple petition each day, “For my son to come back to the Church.” It was said gently and with love each day but there was also the pain and sorrow of “O my son Absalom!”
If you don’t remember the story of David and Absalom a quick recap. Absalom, one of David’s sons, choose to rebel against his father and usurp the throne. David needed to flee his palace in Jerusalem and then enter into battle with the forces loyal Absalom. During the battle Absalom is slain and when the news reaches David, we hear the above lament. When the soldiers loyal to David hear of their king’s sorrow, Samuel tells us, “Then it was told Joab, “Behold, the king is weeping and mourns for Absalom.” The victory that day was turned to mourning for all the people, for the people heard it said that day, “The king is grieved for his son.” (2 Sam 19:1-2)
Each parent, each husband or wife, each friend has felt at one time the betrayal of love that David suffers today and often we can cry out that we wished it had rather been us who suffered the pains of the other, out of love, rather than see them go through the pain…and yet we cannot.
I believe we can learn two very simple moments from the David’s story and the gift of relationship and the suffering for the other.
First, we cannot prevent the suffering of the other but we can love the other. Each person, especially parents, come quickly to the understanding that other people, including those we love the most will make mistakes, have bad choices and walk away from good things. There are also the illness and misfortunes of life that come upon us and others where we suffer these consequences.
God asks us not to suffer in silence. Sacred Scripture is chock full of examples of crying out to God for the suffering being endured. We too are invited into this same cry as we direct our prayers and pleas to God. When my Dad died, I was in my early twenties. He died of a heart attack. When he had his first heart attack I was only 15 years old. My Dad continued to smoke and chew tobacco even though he knew it was harmful and would shorten his life. I spent years before and after his death crying out in anger to God and anyone who would listen. As family and friends loved me through my pain slowly but surely my anger and the bad choices I made because of this anger disappeared and moved in a healthier direction.
Second, we will feel the pain of loss and hurt but we are called to stand with Jesus in suffering with the other. I recently listened to a recorded talk by Kimberly Hahn on formed.org about “Our Lady of Sorrows” (I would highly recommend it to everyone) In it she talked about her conversion to the Catholic Church and the pain it caused her family and the rejection she felt from many of them. She talked bout how in the example of Mary we cannot take away the suffering but in love we are called to share in the suffering.
As family members make choices that hurt themselves and others, we are called, not to condone the choices, rather we are invited to give the example of love in encouraging and being with them in their broken-heartedness and to reach out in love. We can only do knowing and loving God through the example of the saints, Our Blessed Mother in particular, allowing the suffering of Jesus to heal our wounds.
We are reminded after the battle David as king chose to seek reconciliation and not retribution to those who had rebelled against him. Seeking the reconciliation of hurt allows us to cry out in grief and love seeking to live always in the peace of Christ…a peace that heals and renews our hearts.
God bless.
Fr. Mark